NEW! Straight Outta Lockdown 2020 - Get Ready Australia!
NEW! Straight Outta Lockdown 2020 - Get Ready Australia!
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NEW! Straight Outta Lockdown 2020 - Get Ready Australia!

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You made it this far. Now tell your story to those “brave enough” to listen.

  • 100% Pre-shrunk, hand-stretched cotton
  • Relaxed, breathable and light feel - perfect for long days of wear!
  • Screen-printed by hand and designed in Torquay, Australia
  • Regular fit - no tight shirt fitting nonsense here! 
  • Fits true To size
  • Comes in White, and Black
  • Cold Machine or cold hand wash only. 

Order yours now whilst stocks last! 

As Featured on 

Toilet paper crisis tees on 3aw

The Long Story

Lockdown, Shmockdown… What Else Can You Say?

When you think about it - if someone told you 12 weeks ago that the world was *almost* coming to an end, there’s only one quintessentially Australian thing you’d tell them. 

In the words of Daryl Kerrigan in the cult family-comedy classic, The Castle…

“Tell him he’s dreaming!” 

I'll tell you what though. I’ve had dreams alright. But, no dreams have been as bizarre as the reality unfolding before us in front of our very eyes.

Pubs closing their doors...

And here’s us thinking times were tough when Slim Dusty was singing about the mythical Pub with NO BEER?!?

Airlines being grounded indefinitely... 

(I guess we could say that Virgin was going down, down under then ;) )

And here’s the kicker: NO BALLS ARE ACTUALLY GETTING KICKED ON TV with all major Footy codes suspending their seasons to the middle of the year (we hope)! 

But if anything’s been tough - it’s been the very un-Australian way of life we’ve never really had to experience in the history of this Great Southern Land. 

No barbecues and beers with your mates...

No Flat Whites and Smashed Avo on toast from your local cafe… 

No gym selfies of your so-called ‘Mates’ in your Instagram or Facebook feed…

(Well, at least there’s one good thing to come out of ‘whatever’s happening out there’)

However, only a few pleasant days ago, the ‘Big Kahuna’ of this sunburnt country, ScoMo, announced to us all  there’s a light shining brighter than Priscilla Queen of the Desert at the end of the very strange tunnel.

This “Lockdown” thing, phenomena, whatever you call it we’re all experiencing - is about to end for good.

Just imagine kicking back and remembering the days of teaching your 13 year old’s linear algebra class when you barely scraped by in your maths classes…

Or the days of surviving the trials and tribulations of the #ToiletPaperCrisis2020, venturing into the wild and unknown supermarkets to place your hands on the lush soft disposable toilet paper like Indiana Jones scouring through the ruins of hidden civilisations... 

And what about doing your bit for ‘Straya by learning how to cook ANYTHING BUT PASTA with Supermarkets restricting your Dolmio allocations to two jars a shop… 

Or that time when your dog said “Enough’s Enough” and called it quits mid-walk, leaving you to embarrassingly carry fido all the way home!

And - How Could We Ever Forget - that time when the Northern Territory became a shining example of the Commonwealth, the envy of the Eastern States, and the first and only place in Australia you could smash a Pint and Parmy at the Pub on a Saturday night!!! 

We’re glad this is beginning to end. And boy oh boy - we’re about to unleash consumer-driven mayhem upon your already-angry barista at your local cafe all the way through to Australia’s largest shopping malls! 

In celebration of your experience, your grit, your determination - three ordinary Australian’s (just like you) said “whatthuheck” and are delivering an EXTREMELY LIMITED RUN OF “STRAIGHT OUTTA LOCKDOWN”  TEE SHIRTS for those defying the odds that are “brave enough” to tell the tale.

Get Your Limited Edition "STRAIGHT OUTTA LOCKDOWN" T-Shirt Shirt NOW!

And we’re only doing a handful of these bad boys because that’s all we can afford to make for our friends and family (and maybe even you)!

This printed shirt has designed by us with our mate, Narelle from ‘round the corner, who can draw the t*ts off a bull. You won’t be able to get this commemorative shirt anywhere else in the world!

And because we’re keeping it “true blue”, we’re printing our first 25 (or so) 100% Hand-Stretched-Cotton Tees on Australian soil - right next door to your local milk bar!

Strewth! What a time to be alive!

And here’s the best part - we said “goodbye” to greedy middlemen, “no thanks” to other sellers so we can offer this at a price so low it'll make your accountant do a backflip!

This is a “let’s just see what happens” kinda thing, so we’re not offering this item for the $70 or $80 you’re used to paying for Australian-designed and printed goods!

You’re not going to even pay our low Direct-to-the-battler price of $54.95

In fact, all you’ll need to pull together to take your shirt home is OUR SPECIAL TRUE BLUE INTRODUCTORY PRICE OF ONLY $37.95!

And - if you decide to get two or more (there’s only a handful of shirts left) - YOU WILL RECEIVE FREE SHIPPING to get these babies delivered to your door.

Get Your Limited Commemorative Shirt NOW for only $37.95

Naturally, we’re not making offers like this to “everyone on the internet”, so if you don’t feel obliged to get yours - TAG A FRIEND you know will wear this proudly as they soldiers through the day with the end in sight amongst this great southern land.

Thanks for reading, guys.

Yours sincerely,

Mel, Val, and Dean

P.S. We’re just a bunch of Aussie battlers (like you) who are proud to say we’re Australian just like you. We haven’t quite got to the other end yet but we’re pretty darn close. In the Aussie spirit, it’s basically a done deal. Get Your “STRAIGHT OUTTA LOCKDOWN” T SHIRT FOR ONLY $37.95 NOW !

About Us

It All Started When Hell Broke Loose (And We Couldn't Wipe Our Arses)...

So we thought "bugger it!" Let's enjoy the time we've got and take the piss whilst we can.

Our Team Of Everyday Australians 

Valeri Tkatchenko - Chief Doer Of Physical Sh*t, Web Guy And Organiser Of Conversations (Also Makes Good F*cking Coffee)

Crisis Tee Founder Valeri Tkatchenko

Here he is! Valeri, King of the Peasants, spends most of his time losing money on the Stockmarket and flinging espresso's along bench tops at Mikro Coffee Roasters.

Apart from being a low-key weapon in the coffee community, he also spends too much of his life away from humans and distilling vodka from fruit scraps. 

Dean Denny - Deano from Marketing, Facebook-er And All-Round Flog

Crisis Tees Founder Dean Denny

How terrible is this dude's bow tie? Anyway - he's alright (although a little strange). Dean's got our back when it comes to developing the whackiest Facebook Ads and product descriptions on our site. He thinks he's Rocky Balboa, but he's more like Scrappy-Doo. 

Ask him about how he feels about Donald Trump. Then, just sit back and relax - you're in for a treat! 

Mel Bevahousin - Listener Of The Peoples, Savage Commenter And Mini Golf Extraordinaire

[ Photo and Profile Coming - She's Still Doing Her Makeup! ]


Narelle Craven - The-Sketch-And-Draw-Silly-Stuff-At-2am Pro And Crazy Cat Lady

Narelle can certainly draw the tits off a bull.

And there's nothing quite like her ability to pump out hella whacky shirt designs on notice shorter than Danny Devito's waistline! 

In fact, she came up with this design at 2AM.

(You do you, Narelle)

But if we're ever serious, we're serious about this: she's talented and we can't think of anyone with a cooler pot plant collection than her. 

P.s Be nice to Narelle, or she'll set her 2 "Super Cute" cats upon you!  

Alistair - Everyone's Favourite Local Hip Pocket-Tee Printing Hipster

If there was any Dad-like figure on the team, it would have to be good ol' Al.

Alistair never says no to a silly tee shirt idea (but he has deprived us of eating our stockpiled mars bars from the fridge once or twice!). In fact, he prints our funny tees faster than Steven Bradbury's claim to fame! 

As you can imagine, Al has a solid sense of humour and knows how important timely delivery of our tees are. We can't thank this guy enough for his support and are truly blessed by having someone doing such ripper work right around the corner and down under!